No Sir.

"HOW DARE YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL ME FOR THIS!!!!!!" i wanted to scream through the phone.  Although I was highly shocked and disappointed with the person I was speaking with- because they seem to ONLY call when they want something, I forced myself to remain calm and hold my tongue.

It's amazing how at times people completely overlook your feelings or even overlook being nice and considerate to you because they're so focused on using you to get what they want.  Under those circumstances, do you decide to give them a piece of your mind, do you say no to being used, or do you continue to let it go knowing that your purpose in their life will always be them calling you because they need something?

I believe that at times we all need to rely on someone for something; however, I believe boundaries should be established when you find yourself in a relationship with a user-friend, user-relative, or user-associate.  In my head I keep hearing the song 'Use Me' by Bill Withers.  He has a line that says "I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used, you just keep on using me, until you use me up".  No sir.  Don't use me until you use me up. I love when I'm able to help out, whether it's family, friends, associates, or even strangers.  What I refuse to accept is someone who only calls me when they need something, who only comes by when they need to pick something up, who'll only offer their pen if I have paper, who'll only help me if I help them.  That is a one-sided relationship and in this type of relationship one side is always unhappy.

So what's the resolve?  My resolve is to communicate, wait, and then see what happens.  If you are feeling used by someone who you'd like to have a two-sided relationship with, you let them know how their actions are making you feel.   Give it time and see if they make any changes (keeping in mind that if this is a habit for them, it most likely won't happen overnight).  After some time pass re-evaluate the relationship.  If it seems as though you're in the same "user" type relationship with them you must then decide.  Either cut ties and move on, or you find a way to say these words to them: "You just keep on using me, until you use me up" and actually be able to smile while saying it.  

 ~Dee

Forgive me, I am human.

Forgive me I am human. I laugh, I cry, I break hearts because I am flesh and blood. I forget birthdays and speak my mind because I believe it’s the truth. The truth may be the rock that shatters your glass house. I judge and am open to judgment. I love with all my heart and in the same breath am accused of never loving at all. I am my mother and father whether they were present or absent. I am a teacher whether I have students or not.  I am destined by DNA to strive for the things that make me feel good even if it costs me my life, my heart, my mind, friends, family, or your trust. I serve many gods and the God. It is all for perfection. I am constantly in transition. I am constantly evolving because I was born and I will die. I hope you can forgive me if I forget your name, don’t speak, ignore you, walk the other way and decide to spend my time elsewhere. Can you forgive me for whatever moment I am in? Can you pray for my clarity when I am confused? Will you pull me up when I need you? I want to be there for you too or for someone if they need. Can you be happy that I found happiness even if I brought you sadness?  I may be in the dark and need enlightenment. I may lead you into the dark so that you can find enlightenment. I don’t control your story…you do. And if I do, trust me that it is only a figment of your imagination and essentially you are controlling me controlling you. Do you understand?  Do you know if I or someone else meant to hurt you. Do you know them...I mean can you see inside their mind. Can you read their thoughts. If this is a story did I hurt you or did you just not understand. I guess it depends on whose telling the story. I hope you forgive me. Seven times seventy forgive me. I need you to so you can live.

Don’t wait on me to release you. You are released. The anger and the pain are valid. Allow it to come and pass. I will forgive you even if it makes you act nasty to me. I understand.  I hope you can forgive me if I am that way to you. But first, forgive yourself please. You are human just like me.

Blessings,

~ Chi

Trust Me They Say

Today it seems as though everyone wants you to trust them but hardly anyone can be trusted.  How possible is it to really trust someone without the slightest thought of them stabbing you in the back?  Years ago I had a huge trust issue; there were few I trusted and because of my lack of trust for people I found myself being closed off to creating/embracing new relationships.  I didn't trust that I could trust anyone.

I recently found myself in a situation where my trust relationship with someone very close to me was damaged.  I must say it felt like a huge slap in the face.  I was very upset and almost instantly all my other relationships were affected by it.  I began to look at everyone as someone who could intentionally hurt me.  I guess this is a normal reaction, especially when you're hurt by someone who is close to you.  But what this incident did was automatically pull me back into a world that lacked trust which for me is not a place I enjoyed.

So what do you do?  When someone hurts you, do you automatically shut everyone else out to stop the possibility of being hurt again?  The old me would have done exactly that-closed all the windows, locked all the doors because nobody was getting in! Somewhere along these streets of living I was fortunate enough to hear a quote that completely helped me in my process of learning to trust others.  It read:  "I don't have to be afraid to be vulnerable.  If I'm vulnerable to you and you hurt me, I'll turn to God and He'll heal me." 

Reading this quote back then put my opposition to trust at rest.  I learned and am still aware that everyone will not have good intentions towards me, but no matter what someone does to me God will help me and heal me from whatever pain that person may have caused.  So today I choose to trust- even the person I mentioned earlier I choose to love and although cautious, I trust that one day I will be able to completely trust them again.  I realize that when you choose not to trust, you're choosing to place limits on God's ability to take care of you when your heart is broken.  You're also closing doors for friendships with people who truly would like to have a relationship with you without harming you.  So what do you do when someone hurts you?  You trust God, and you truly believe that He'll stop your tears from falling and heal your broken heart.  

~DeAndrea

An O moment!

An O moment

I was watching the Oprah interview on the Piers Morgan show and was reminded about a side of myself that I had tucked away. It is the part of me that Oprah is best known for. That part of me is the ability to share my experiences and ideas with others openly without wanting anything in return. Like sharing a great restaurant with people or connecting friends together who can use each other’s businesses. The words Oprah used are “Evolving People to the best of themselves”. I love helping people shine or enjoy life. I think that somewhere down the line I lost that part of me because I wouldn’t get that love back when I would go to others for info. I would expect people to be there for me like I was for them but sometimes didn't get the help I needed. I thought that maybe it had something to do with the people around me or maybe my race. We have all heard of the crab in the barrel syndrome and how African American  people do not support each other. It could be that, but I am not sure. My big O moment is that I forgot how much I loved sharing and helping people and that I stopped. The world or “life” can harden you or make you bitter because of the hurts or disappointments that you experience. I think that is how we lose our innocents when we become adults. I want to get back to that. Just being nice and helpful just because I should be and because it feels good doing so. What have you discovered that you have stopped doing over the years that made you feel happy?

~ Chi

Time Heals

Time heals everything is more than a popular saying, it is the truth. Sometimes we feel like we just cannot go on after experiencing a loss. We think that the thing that we are going through is so devastating that it will take forever to heal. While you are going through loss, every moment feels like an eternity, but once the thing passes it is almost like it never existed. It is funny because even though people say that your feelings will pass in time, you find no solace because you cannot see things getting any better. The great thing is once those feelings of loss pass you can’t even understand why you wanted to give up on moving on. What I’m saying is that time is a gift and a healer because if you just wait and be patient, you will see that things are going to change whether you want it  to or not.

The best thing is knowing that trouble doesn’t last always and the sun will come out. So never give up or feel like things will not get better because they will. They always will.  Pray for patience and the faith to continue to push forward regardless of the present issues.

Peace and Love

~Chi

It's ok, I Know I'm Being Used

This year began with projects.  Projects regarding auditions, musicals, events, performing art classes, fitness and hair.  Whoo!  To say the least my schedule is pretty much filled in at least until mid-summer.  I'm grateful.  Some of these projects are a continuation from last year, some are unexpected opportunities, some are personal creations or collaborations.  So why am I starting off my first blog of 2010 talking about projects?  Good question.

Today after talking to a friend, I found myself feeling like a criminal trying to explain to the jury why I was innocent of the charge of "Trying to do everything."  I mean I literally felt myself reverting back to feeling bad about using my talents to do things that I'm not only good at but things that I KNOW I should be doing.  It's fair to say that at the end of the conversation I was found innocent but this conversation stopped me.  For a moment I was being pulled back into people bondage.  My definition of people bondage is not doing what you know to do because you're afraid of what everybody else will think or say.  And that's just it.  I don't care, and for some time now I've had to re-train myself to not care if someone didn't like what I was doing or thought I was doing too much, or thought this, or thought that.  I simply didn't care and moving forward into 2011, I still don't.

Last year some of my quotes were "I really don't care" and "Use me up."  I'd use "I really don't care" in situations where I knew it would be a waste of time to spend one ounce of energy on something I had no control over and I'd use "Use me up" to refer to using all of my talents and gifts to glorify God.

Here's my quote moving forward into 2011: I WILL use ALL of my gifts to glorify God and I really don't care what anyone else (besides God) thinks about it."  If God tells me to back down or if I feel like some things are a burden that's when I'll stop.  I want the top of my head to the soles of my feet to be used to glorify God so whether it's hair, projects, fitness, performing arts, teaching I'm gonna pursue it and do it in excellence.

I realize that there are millions of people buried in those graveyards we drive by everyday who have buried dreams, talent and potential that's buried with them.  I'm not going to be someone who allowed what God gave me to stay inside and not use my talents to in some way make life better for others and myself.

So yes, the songs I've written will be heard, the moves I've choreographed will be danced, if words come they will be written, the hair tips I learn will be shared, the monologues I write will be delivered, the life skills I've learned will be taught, the ideas I envision will be brought forth, and any opportunity I have to go around this world using everything I have to represent God's Glory I'm taking it.  Point Blank.  I seriously desire this for everyone. Just imagine how empowering it would be if we all took what we were given and used it for good-we would create a world where no one was worried about what the other person was doing because they were consumed with fulfilling their own purpose in life.  I have a purpose.  You have a purpose.  We All Do.

2011, Let's Get It.

~DeAndrea

Ife Eats New York

Ife EATS New York!

New Jersey has Snookie and now New York has Snuggie…that’s me. That is my new nick name for myself after seeing all of my glowingly curvy New Years pictures. Being chubby takes some hard work…ok its more fun because I enjoyed myself this holiday.

So I went to NY over the holiday season with a gal pal and broke all of my healthy eating rules. I took pics of me behaving badly and wanted to share them with the world because NY has some of the best food and you must indulge when you visit.   

Here are some of the tasty vitals that Dee( my travel buddy) and I chomped on while in the Big Apple!

Murray’s Bagels – I saw this bagel shop on the Travel Channel and it was well worth the visit.
The show recommended that you eat the Leo on a Sunday and that is what we did. The Leo is a delicious omelet placed on a fresh bagel. They also have all types of signature cream cheeses.  Loved it!



Lets Smear!!!!





The Leo!



Murray's Fresh Bagels!!!

 

NY Pizza Joint

After a long day of shopping we pitched a tent in one of NY’s many pizza restaurants. I can’t even remember the name of the place because the Pizza was so good. Yummy!

NY Cheesecake

Here is a cheesecake from Juniors. The ambiance of the restaurant was more pleasurable than the cheesecake which is what they are known for. I recommend going for the ambiance. I had Strawberry Cheesecake and Dee had Chocolate Mouse Cheesecake. Ummm lets say the playdoh look and the taste of it resulted in a sad plate.

Random Italian Joint - Simply Pasta

Ok Poor Service and watered down Italian food. It was the worst meal that we ate. I have had delicious Italian food in  NY and this place was a major disappointment. Its a No Go.

I love New York for many reasons, but the food is great. Other places to visit for some food and shopping is China Town aka Canal street. I also think you should brave it and eat from one of NY's hot dog or what I call "street meat" stands. Look its scary but you are not experiencing NY if you don't get the pizza, hot dog, bagel, cheesecake, and ....street meat.

EAT!!!!

~Chi