Friday, June 24, 2011

Can a sistah breath? Why is the media and cinema so obsessed with the plight of the black female.

 
It seems like every time I turn around I read or hear something negative about African American women. First it was that terrible article in Psychology Today that some researcher wrote about black women being the most unattractive out of all women on earth. Then the documentary called Dark Girls about the troubles of dark skinned sisters in America. The preview shows a few dark skinned black women painfully sharing their stories about being a darker shade. The women are crying…it is hard to watch. Thanks to Tyler Perry and the creators of Precious I need to take a box of tissue to the movie theatre and prepare to cry from stories about black women who have been hurt, beaten, and abused. I mean I felt like all the women at the end of Tyler Perry’s For Colored Girls should have jumped off the roof it was so depressing. Then there is the growing Aids rate and STD in African American Women. When did being a black woman get to be so troubling.

Over the last few years we have had some big triumphs. The president is married to an intelligent black woman. Disney gave us not only a black princess but a dark skinned princess at that. Yes she was a frog for 75% of the movie and married a Brazilian prince instead of an African prince, but you have to start somewhere..right? Also Queen Oprah created her own network and gracefully retired. Things are looking up right?

At the top of this week on WVEE Jill Scott gave a wonderful interview in which she talked about several things, one being her ideal man. She positively listed all of her wants in a man. Then the tables turned when Frank Ski read a response from one of his listeners. The listener stated all the things he didn’t want in an ATL woman. One major factor he talked about was that ATL women need hobbies or at least a good personality. I think he made a valid point, but the manner he did it in felt like an attack yet again on Black women and our problems. The listener was tired of meeting women who were always on the phone and couldn’t carry a decent conversation. Some of the words he used were ghetto, back fat having, stinking, cell phone talking, no-personality having baby mamas. Some of things he said were funny, but at the same time I was angered because it was so negative. I am so over the media, movies, psychologist, radio personalities, and actors telling black women why we can’t get a man, aren’t married, or how we need to fix ourselves. I am also tired of the black woman being treated like a commodity in rap videos or in advertisements like the controversial picture used in this blog.  

Honestly I don’t want to cry anymore.I want to celebrate!  I think it is time to heal from the hateful acts that were committed to us in the past and start finding ways to focus on the positive things black women are doing. Now that we know all of our problems how can we start taking some ownership on issues, healing, and fixing our problems. `Lets celebrate!
  
~Chi

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Disappearing Act

So thirty days or less into your voyage of new found love, you find yourself staring at your phone, no call, no text no email.  You are baffled beyond belief because your new flame has suddenly gone awol and you can’t figure out why.  Everything appeared to be moving smoothly.  Great phone conversation, fun dates, strong chemistry…so what changed?  You find yourself getting worried at first.  Then annoyed.  Then livid because you are beginning to feel like you played yourself again by opening your heart to another jerk who just walked all over it. So what to do?  Back track.  Three critical factors can determine if you are simply over reacting or if you need to move on Expectations, Self examination, Exhibited behavior.  
Let’s begin with expectations.  Typically the rule of thumb is, if you’re not married, anything goes.  Meaning, when you are dating, everyone is fair game and unless communication has transpired to indicate otherwise this is a rule that you must always remember.  The key point in dating is to provide yourself with a plethora of prospects that you can assess to identify a good mate.  This can’t be achieved if you only date one person.  So when dating always remember the purpose of dating, keep an open mind and remember your prospect may also be seeking his treasure in the midst of a sea of gems. 
Self- examination is the next step.  How you conduct yourself in the beginning of the relationship will determine how your prospect perceives you and ultimately treat you.  Did you come off as desperate or insecure?  Did you put on a representative that did not represent your true self?  Did you present yourself as a video vixen or as a Queen?   Did you truly come off as someone who is trying to build a good friendship or did you come off as psycho/stalker girl? 
In the process of it all how did he behave?  Did he exhibit qualities of someone who is respectful? Or did he call you last minute to see you, have no idea where to take you b/c you were the afterthought (aka back up plan) so you two spend the last minute trying to find something to do that doesn’t cost much of anything.  Did he sincerely seem interested in you as a person or did he only seem interested in the things you could do for him?  If he did come off as a first class jerk, did you put up with it?  Often a guy will test you to see how much you value yourself and if you act as if you don’t they will not take you seriously as prospective future material.  Finally through it all did you remember to keep God’s standard as your standard?  Remember, if God is the King and we are his children we are of royal lineage and our conduct should reflect such.  Often we get so caught up in trying to please people we forget about pleasing God and in the process we totally lose ourselves and end up disappointed with the return from our investment.  But when we keep our vertical relationship in harmony with God the reality is it allows us to have a solid horizontal relationship with others that yield a return that is substantial and rewarding.  So instead of sitting by the phone and giving yourself a headache, realize that God has extraordinary things in store for you and if this person is for you it will work out without any compromising techniques and if they are not, God has better waiting so there is absolutely no need to lose any sleep over the situation at hand.  


Sunni Williams is a connoisseur of culture, life adventures and positivity.  She holds a BS in Broadcast Journalism and an MBA in Business Management. She has received national recognition for leadership and is currently working on a novel.


Saturday, June 4, 2011

Princess Drama: Everything prior true loves kiss

Princess Drama: Everything prior true loves kiss

It’s kind of hard out here for a Princess! If anyone would know, it would be me. I mean you have evil queens and witches trying to bring you down or cast a spell on you. It is always a challenge trying to stay absolutely lovely while cleaning up and taking care of dwarfs. And how is a girl supposed to eat her fruits and vegetables when a wicked witch is poisoning apples. Also, how is Prince Charming supposed to find you when you are locked away in a tower or hidden in a forest singing songs to woodland creatures. 

Seriously, I was thinking about the life of a fairytale princess and somehow found it to be very similar to my real life. I am sure a lot of women (maybe a few dudes) can say the same.
 Most people see the Prince as a major character in the fairytale, but really he is just a supporting role. The story always revolves around a young maiden who is of royal status and doesn’t really know her worth. The people around her know how truly special she is and want to help her, but can’t because of her tragic circumstance. There is an authoritative figure that is jealous of her beauty, status, or power and tries to keep the princess from discovering her greatness by any means necessary. Yes, the prince or her "opportunity" to leave her present situation is waiting to present himself, but first she has to overcome her obstacles in life. Once she realizes her worth, her dreams can come true and I am sure she graduates from being princes to being a queen.

What trials are you facing that you need to destroy in order to meet your prince aka opportunity? Maybe you are being groomed for greatness and once you beat that evil queen or bad situation, then you can walk into your destiny with infinite possibilities. 

Yes, one day your Prince will come, but until then work on becoming a queen so when your opportunity knocks, you will be ready with your glass slipper in hand.

Love ya!

~ Chi