Don't Settle: PartII

"Oooo girl I hope you don't act like that with men because they're gonna think you're high mainteance."  Words from a friend. They completely startled me.  High maintenance?  Me?   No way!!!!  Now I've never been called high maintenance before so I was pretty shocked.  But apparently because I said I would say "no" to something I was immediately defined as being difficult and high maintenance (level 1 she jokingly defined it).  So we stood there on the  platform waiting for a train to arrive, yet this conversation followed me onto the train and stayed close beside us as we walked thru the city.

If you're in a situation where you say no to something you don't want to do, does that define you as high maintenance?  Would you call yourself difficult?    

In the past women have always in some capacity been expected to be obedient and submissive-to do what they were told and learn to be ok with it.  Today if you're a single woman who would like to be in a relationship, television and movies let us know that if we say yes to certain things, dress a certain way, and be down for anything then the search for that guy won't take very long.  Today you don't have to be the old school obedient and submissive lady.  Instead be the one who says yes to anything and who's down for everything.  We're shown that if you're cool with being cutty buddy you won't be single for long.  If you're ok with being the other woman well that's just grand.  And if you're willing to take turns spending time with him while he's handling business with his wife, kids, family, pet, job and/or car then you're in for sure.  Right?

Wrong.   Sometimes we say yes to things when everything in us is screaming "SAY NO!!!"  My explanation to my friend was why say yes to something when you already know it's not what you want.  It's not about being difficult or high maintenance, but rather having the courage and character to say no to something you don't agree with.  As my friend and I walked side by side with the conversation that joined us at the train station, we ended with this agreement:  To say no means you have standards about certain things and you're not willing to lower your character just to get someone to like you. 

It's like buying a new pair of shoes.  You're not gonna say yes to the first pair of shoes you see just because they're shoes.  You wait.  And when you find the pair of shoes you want, that's the right size and perfect fit, you buy them.  Nevertheless until you find the shoes you want, you say no to anything that doesn't line up with the standard of shoes you're looking for. 

Basically what I'm trying to say is: Don't Settle.  Regardless of how others see you, say no when you know to say no.  When everything inside you is screaming "Say No," go ahead and say it.  The person is either gonna respect you or they'll choose to move on.  And if they choose to move on, then you 
must realize your value and move right along as well.  Remember: You won't please everyone in life, stop trying to. 

Much love, 

~DeAndrea