You Need to Grow Up!

Control.  Webster defines it as "to have power over."  So often we would like to control those we love and I'm sure at some point in life you've gotten a call about a family or close friend who found themselves in a bad situation once again and all you could do was shake your head and think "What are they thinking?!!!"  Sometimes those closest to us can  make really bad decisions.  At times these decisions can cause you to try to find ways to fix their mistake (no matter how recurring it may be) and help out, lead to  unwelcome stress, sleepless nights, and a lot of pain.  You may even want to shake them and yell "YOU NEED TO GROW UP!!!!"  Perhaps delivering this one statement is the best piece of advice and the only action you need to give them.  Perhaps this is the one truth they need to receive that will change their life-gaining the ability to grow up. 

Growing up for some is difficult, especially if that person is used to depending on loved ones to bail them out on every occassion.  An old saying I'll rephrase is, "if you don't teach a man to fish but just give him the food, he'll keep coming back looking for food."  It's true!  You have to teach people to grow up and and best way to teach someone who refuses to do it on their own is to release control.  To stop trying to keep everything under control and just let them live, learn, make a mistake, and learn how to correct the mistake on their own (especially if it's a mistake that continues to be a mistake each time the mistake is made).  There is something wrong with creating a clean-up habit whenever someone we love makes a mistake.  It only teaches them that no matter what they do it's ok, because so and so will be there to fix it and clean it up. 

My family was together this weekend and my great-aunt who is in her 80's saw a family member who have been finding themselves in trouble consistently for at least the last 5-6 years.  She saw them and said "Who is that?  I almost didn't recognize you."  She hugged them and then tells them they've gotten bigger... in her nice older person way (smile).  But then as they walked away she spoke wisdom- she said "That baby is growning up."  And they are.  THEY HAVE DECIDED, after years of having other people try to fix their mistakes, to GROW UP.  Something I realized as I was driving home tonight is you can't control someone and force them to grow up, they have to decide for themselves, gain control for themselves.  You can only guide them in their process, help them when they need you, but realize when it's time to force them out of their pupa state and allow them to transform into a beautiful butterfly by making the DECISION to grow up. 
So the next time you get that phone call be prepared, it may the shortest but most difficult phone call yet.

~Dee